Right first things first; it. is. FUCKIN A. To be back. I know I haven't done a review of anything in a really long time but I thought that a brilliant film such as Avengers Assemble (which by the way is better than any of the previous Marvel films) would be a good place to start over. Ah yes, with this gem in superhero films I shall rise up again in the world of critiques like a sweary, Jewish, short-sighted, Justin Beiber-hating, crazed phoenix (admittedly that analogy sounds a bit poncy but hey, it's me so what do you expect?).
Anyhow lets start off like we used to with the shit first then ice cream second...oh don't look at me like that I haven't done this in a long time. As with any film based off of a long running series of any kind or a legendary book, Avengers Assembled mucks up on a couple of things the most jarring of which for me was the fact that the Avengers team in the film is not the original one from the comics which was made up of the Hulk, Iron-man, Thor, Ant-man and The Wasp. the other main kick in the shin for me was how often the main villain Loki (who is Thor's half-brother and the Norse god of mischief for any of you who need to watch more superhero films) changes his appearance from the magnificently sparkly and fabulous (with a big emphasis on "fabulous") cloak and helmet that he wore in Thor to some black-as-pitch long-coat that makes Loki look like a slightly emo and rapey version of Rick Astley.
But putting all that to one side I have to say that this film is an abseloute cracker; it's far better than any of the previous films by Marvel studios (especially the disastrous Fantastic Four: Rise Of The Silver Surfer) and includes some of the best actors in the modern world of acting as some of my favourite heroes and even includes some surprisingly good knee-jerk comedy. The acting in particular is very very good indeed, not necessarily because the actors themselves are any good (although Samuel Jackson is always acting LIKE A BOSS) but because they are acting in that cheesy I-am-going-to-state-the-obvious-then-act-all-serious-'n'-shit way that characters behave in the actual comics and not like a bunch of talentless look-alikes like in Blade 3 (not to diss Wesley Snipes because he too acts LIKE A BOSS). In any sort of film that kind off approach to acting and playing out your character as an actor would make you look like you'd just sniffed a grand worth of PVC glue but in a superhero film with such ridiculous characters (such as the Norse god of thunder and a man with a shield who wears a hideous costume and yet is the most serious character in the cast), a bombastic end-battle between 6 superheroes and an entire bleedin' army and combine that with a deliciously simple plot then you my friends have one hell of a superhero movie.
As for the aforementioned simplistic plot itself what more do you want?: Loki the Norse god of mischief and trickery (played brilliantly by Tom Hiddleston after his début appearance in the mediocre War Horse) steals the glowy-cube-thing that appears in Thor and uses it to garner a deal with an alien race (the schittari, hey I couldn't find a proper pronunciation of it okay?) in order to gain revenge on Earth by helping said alien race invade and crush humanity. In a desperate effort to stop Loki the main force of good in the Marvel universe SHIELD (Strategic Homeland Intervention, Enforcement and Logistics Division), led by director Nick Fury (played LIKE A BOSS of course by Samuel Jackson) gathers together a poorly-coordinated, all round bad-tempered, frayed group of superheroes to combat this threat to the continued existence of the planet. Naturally, hearing about a film like that which has had not as much preparation as Avengers Assembled has would make me feel sceptical but with said preparation in the form of an entire series of films you can't help but anticipate a film like this so much that my nostrils excrete pure liquid joy.
As for the action scenes, there could be more variety instead of a procession of superhero VS main bad guy and./or faceless army of third-rate henchmen and/or other members of the main heroes team in a series of forests, cities, towns and an airborne aircraft carrier...wait...that actually sounds like a feckin great variety! Oh who am I kidding there really is nothing wrong with this film is there? (apart from the couple of snags I mentioned in the intro of course). The action of course is the best part of the film with the different heroes using a multitude of abilities and even the weapons of enemy henchmen against the baddies charging at them, of course those baddies mostly consist of henchmen who get messed up like a plate of lasagne in front of me but the film manages (in a surprisingly catch-you-unaware way) to convince you that the aforementioned henchmen are a serious threat. This in turn is something that is embodied very well also by the main villain who we get to see is most definitely evil even with facing his half-brother in battle, this combined with how many henchmen Loki has at his command and the sheer ability and power he holds makes it very convincing that the main heroes are in for the fight of their lives. Something that in turn I will guarantee make you root for them every step of the way.
The last thing I must touch upon before I get back to playing Medieval 2: Total War and crying over my lack of a love life is the acting. Now I found many minor snags in this film in many areas (not like the ones mentioned in the intro which are for me, at least, major ones) but the factor of the film where I found the most number of minor problems was with the acting itself, yes I can hear you spitting at me already but just hear me out. The acting is not necessarily all-round bad (especially with the likes of Robert Downey JR, Scarlett "DAT ass" Johansson and Chris Hemsworth acting their handsome/beautiful asses off) but there are some incredibly generic close-up shots that make characters look like the most blank-slated bad-asses (occasionally) especially in the case of one particular face-shot in the final battle of Jeremy Renner (as the dude with the bow, Hawkeye) that makes him look like the biggeest douche bag this side of Jersey Shore.
Regardless of that it is very hard for me to fault this film; the films leading up to this one have been good, the action is good, the directing and producing is marvellous, the acting is holed in areas but nonetheless highly admirable, the plot is simple and yet brilliant (like an ice cold can of Vimto on a sunny day) and the special effects in some places are truly breathtaking. Chances are that many of you who read this will have already seen the film but for those of you who haven't seen it, even if you don't like action/hero movies and/or the Marvel comics themselves I would highly recommend this with one hand on my heart and another on a copy of the Secret Invasion anthology. So yeah...go see it and again, it's actually kind of nice to be back.
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