Game reveiw #9: Fallout 4 (Released November 10th 2015)

Image source: http://www.idigitaltimes.com/fallout-4-concept-beginner-guide-basic-game-details-why-everyone-obsessed-491424

Ok ok, I know that its a bit late for this one especially considering that Fallout 4 has been out for a few months and that everyone from the most humble YouTuber with a mere 40-60 subscribers to the biggest corporate game website has reviewed this game from the ends of the earth and back.  Therefore, if some of you think that this review is a bit irrelevant. well...that's understandable but I care about as little about said critique as Mel Gibson does about his public image.

So to put it short and sweet for the introductory summary?  I fucking love this game like the cliff-racers from The Elder Scrolls III: Morrowind (2002) love being annoying, swarm-mentality zerg-rushers.  This is probably my favourite Bethesda game to date and call me bias all you want but keep in mind that I don't like quite a few Bethesda games and with particular regard to the previous Fallout games (1997-present).  I never really got into the previous Fallout games for a few reasons that I'll shortly get into but I want to say this before I do;  Falllout 4 is objectively not the best RPG, adventure or shooting game of all time and when people say that this is either their least favourite game in the Fallout series or just an average shooter/adventure title with some decent crafting systems then I absolutely understand. 

Image source:

I was talking about this with my friend Pujge on skype recently and we both agreed that there is no such thing as a perfect game and nor will there ever be and even though I might love the shit out of Fallout 4, I can see why people have been lambasting it here and there, all within proportion of course though.

So, of course the plot in this one as in the previous Fallout  games is pretty light and left to your volition to find and fulfil.  Add in some bath salt-smelling mad side-quests with an overlaying sense of apocalyptic gloom and BOOM!  you have yourself a Fallout setting.  In Fallout 4 we follow the same basic criterion for setting up the main story as in Fallout 3 wherein we see the main character start out their life bright and full of modest hope and prosperity.  However, while I do think that the intro to Fallout 3 is masterful in showing the infant death of your mother and growing up in the confines of an underground vault before going initially-blinded out into the post-apocalypse of Washington DC, I think that the intro of Fallout 4, while practically less immersive is still a bit more investing.  This might sound a bit contradictory and I apologise if this does seem the case but for me I really was drawn more in seeing the life of the main character in the clean and happy world of pre-apocalypse Massachusetts on a bright and happy October day before Halloween planning to go to the park and enjoying the calm life of American suburbia.  Only then, for this all to be smashed apart by the jarring explosion of a nuclear bomb on the horizon that then forms the basis not only for the underlay of the whole narrative of the game but also for a large section of the in-game map later on.  After seeing a great personal tragedy in the confines of a cryo-chamber (which I won't spoil here, go play the game for yourself), you then set out to hunt down the people who wronged you and take back what is yours in a post-apocalyptic world that you barely recognise.  On top of this, some have criticised the game for being less batshit mental than previous Fallout games but if I was in a post-nuclear apocalypse in semi-urban America I'd expect things to be a bit more nuanced and grey.

So that's the narrative and honestly its pretty easy to follow once you get into it and while a bit cliché at points is still very much engaging later on down the line.  Similarly, the gameplay is also pretty easy to follow as Fallout 4 is much more of an action/adventure game rather than a strict and traditional RPG as compared to the previous games in this series.  This is probably the biggest critique aimed at Fallout 4 and while it isn't the biggest for me, I understand that a big appeal of the previous games was how they blended an attractive mix of sparse and reasonably realistic shooting with the in-depth roleplaying of a specialised survivor in a post-apocalyptic world.  It does admittedly seem like this has been streamlined allot more in Fallout 4 but oddly enough, this is one of the things that really drew me into the game.  Its also part of the reason why I never really got hugely into games like Fallout 3, Fallout (1997) and The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion (2006).  Call me mainstream but I didn't like those aforementioned games because they just struck me as too in-depth and stoic in terms of gameplay.  Yes I know this is a big plus for a great many people and really that should be what people request for their RPG's and games in general.  Some games like your everyday shooter or puzzle game can afford a bit of streamlining and simplicity here and there but I will admit that while I like the streamlining of Fallout 4, I think that it might not be the best route for the series to take while paradoxically being the main thing that drew me into the game.  And keep in mind that this is the guy who throws a spitting fit of rage whenever a new RTS is streamlined and minimalized in terms of customisation and in-game depth.

I suppose then that the other main criticism of the game would be its dialogue system.  It sucks.  It sucks more than a stock M3 Lee medium tank on World of Tanks (2010), it sucks more than virtually every bit of artwork every produced by Tracy Emin and it sucks about as much as when they removed the machine for House of the Dead 3 (2002) from my local bowling alley when I was 12.  I have NEVER liked the wheel-of-misfortune-style of dialogue selection as seen in the much vaunted Mass Effect series (2007-present) and when I saw it was being implemented into Fallout 4, I was indeed sceptical but decided to give the game the benefit of the doubt in order to give it a fair chance.  I found that while this system was nowhere near as badly implemented as in the Mass Effect games or Dragon Age 2 (2011), it still sucked succubus pus through a razor-wire straw and looked about as bad too.   I know it might seem like I hate the game more than I really do but while that isn't true I'll just mention one more major criticism.  This is probably some of the worst graphics for the context of the gaming era in which a game is made that Bethesda have ever produced.  Human models are unnaturally glossy particularly with the eyes and texture pop-ins, while thankfully rare, are want to happen when a big explosion happens to you albeit not all of the time.  Admittedly, it would be hard to make a game of the sheer size and scope of Fallout 4 look as beautiful as a tapestry done by Vincent Van Gogh, Picasso and Leonardo Da Vinci but even still, Bethesda really missed the mark on the specified graphics here.

Image source: http://www.gameinformer.com/b/news/archive/2015/06/14/fallout-4-gives-voice-to-vault-survivor.aspx

But do these problems detract from the overall enjoyment of the game itself?  Well for me, not so much really as they're annoying and do get in the way but I never really felt that they were together or singularly problematic enough to constitute that kind of issue.  What really won me over was, as mentioned earlier, the great action/adventure gameplay where customisation of one's weapons and armour has taken untold importance in this game as a humble 10mm pistol now has infinitely more options to turn it into a hand-cannon of fiery death.  With at least 2 modifications for each module on each weapon in the game there is more than enough modding of weapons and armour to be done and while it isn't imperative to completing the game, it is nice to know that there is some variety and option there.  This does mean that you might lug around tonnes of guns and unwanted armour to scrap for screws and scraps of leather and glass but you can easily find enough scrap if you adventure around enough.

This scrap and forging system plays nicely into my other favourite part about the game which is the settlement building function which I have already sunk many, many hours into.  True, it can be very fiddly with where you put constructions like beds, guard posts and generators but aside from that, the settlement system gives you something to work towards when the side-quests are tiring you out or the main quest is pissing you off for some reason.  It is hard work once you have at least a dozen settlements across the state of Massachusetts but I kind of felt like I was actually working towards something bigger than myself aside from the odd side-quest or main-quest.  It perhaps isn't the most impactful system of its type ever in gaming but I found it truly enthralling to establish well-defended settlements where I saw NPC's begin their lives anew in admittedly dusty and rusty little havens.

Image source: http://fextralife.com/beginners-guide-settlement-building-fallout-4/

By the way that link  just beneath the above picture is a good little guide to building a nice and solid settlement so maybe check it out if you're new to the game.

On top of this, I have to mention that aside from the games' crafting systems and combat being top notch, so too is the voice acting.  Some of the writing is a bit cliché and run of the mill and like I said, the dialogue wheel is about as much use as a poo-flavoured cold & flu tablet.  However, some of the lines particularly if you choose the female as the main character are superb with easily the best voice acting seen thus far in the Fallout series.  I find it weird though that people critique this game for not having very many voice actors when having an abundance of voice actors has never been the case in ANY Bethesda game.  I mean, have you even listened to some of the dialogue in Fallout 3 or The Elder Scrolls IV: Oblivion?  The writing isn't bad but the repetition of some of the voice actors in these older games is sometimes downright insulting and the fact that people then go on to critique The Elder Scrolls V: Skyrim (2011) and Fallout 4 for not having enough voice actors makes me absolutely baffled and perplexed.  Maybe its a bit of a nit-pick about the criticisms aimed at this game but its been something really bothering me over the last few months since the game came out.

Just before I cap off this review I must praise one more major thing about the game.  While the main story is certainly enthralling, engaging and genuinely dark at points, the companion characters provide more than enough extra story muscle to the meat of the games' internal narrative.  These individual character stories could be told slightly better and some of the writing at certain points in some of them is a bit iffy but they provide some of the most profound dialogue exchanges I've ever heard in a Bethesda game not to mention some pretty decent side-quests with the reporter Piper being my favourite in terms of her personality and Nick Valentine easily having the best dialogue and individual, personal quest.  The moments when you get your selected companion to like you more and more are easily among the most engaging moments in the entire game and while perhaps not the best written all of the time, easily convey for the most part how these different people interact with the world they find themselves in.  Except dogmeat, he just acts as a pack animal being cute and running through minefields to fight one radroach like an adorably furry fucking idiot.

Image source: http://wccftech.com/fallout-4-official-direct-feed-1080p-screenshots/

So in conclusion, would I recommend Fallout 4?  Well overall I would but to fans of the franchise itself I would recommend taking it with a shaker-full of salt and be wary that allot of things have indeed been streamlined down from previous entries into the series and thus may not be what you look for from a Fallout game so do be wary about that.  Even despite that though, I would still recommend this game with gusto.  It isn't great as an RPG and the graphics and dialogue system are pretty naff but on the whole it easily makes up for one of my favourite games released in 2015 and easily my favourite game thus far in the Fallout series so whether or not you want to see what the series has just produced or are looking for a new shooting experience with some crafting and exploration added on then I'd give this a massive thumbs up.

And of course, until next time, have fun with whatever you're playing, stay safe and take care!

Graphics: 5/10

Optimisation/FPS: 8.75/10

Internal game content: 8.5/10

Gameplay: 8.75/10

Design: 8/10

Writing: 7.5/10

Voice acting: 9/10

Story: 8.5/10

OVERALL RATING: Great bit of pub grub pie and chips with a cold pint but not quite a top quality medium rare steak with dauphenoise potatoes and pan-fried asparagus.

Ted R's top tens #8: My top ten favourite football matches

Even though I haven't been watching football all my life and I would've really considered my passion for watching the sport foster in the last couple of years I'd still say that with my ligther than-some experience of footy around the world that I can still easily point out my favourite manouveres, playing styles, players and of course matches.  When we all look at our favourite matches it may be a simple display of skill or an abosulte goalfest as some may have different agendas for judging football matches.  Myself being a bit of an ipartial fan to most playing styles, I can recognise when a manouvre I like such as a heading volley has been done badly or one that I dislike has been done well like the onside obstruction of another player.

As a fan of one of the most inconsistent teams in Britain, Charlton Athletic, I'm also privy to judging matches both in their relevance of either being a good match in a good run or as a comeback from a downturn of form for a battered team.  This happens allot and so I'll be taking all the above factors into account as I account my top ten favourite football matches of all time.  And sorry USA fans, I'm bloody not well calling it 'soccer'.


Number 10: Arsenal 4 - Aston Villa 0 (2015 FA cup final, 30 may 2015)

Image source: http://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/0/football/32856754

When watching a momentous game of footy, most true football fans will likley remember where they were when watching said match and the atmosphere.  I can't really imagine how it was for Villa as they saw their chances of gaining their first FA cup in several years get crushed by a far superior Arsenal side including the likes of Alexis Sanchez, Mesut Ozil, Olivier Giroud and Kieran Gibbs.  True this team isn't as good as the world-beating side of the legendary 2003-04 season that never lost  a game but it was clear from the first goal at 40 minutes in by winger Theo Walcott that Villa were about to recieve an arse-shredding of epic proportions.

In the pub that I was in watching the match with my Arsenal mates I felt the atmosphere turn positivley ecstatic as each succeeding goal from Arsenal went in including the last-second and delirious-reaction-inducing 96th minute goal from Olivier Giroud to hand the Gunners their second FA cup in a row, the first time a team had done so since 2004.  I know there'll probably be some Spurs and Villa fans staring in anger at this entry but I have to put it on because even as someone who isn't an Arsenal fan, I have to admit that this one was magical.

Number 9 - Faroe islands 2 - Greece 1 (Euro 2016 qualifier stage, 13 Jun 2015)

Image source: http://www.theguardian.com/football/2015/jun/14/faroes-humiliate-greece-double-euro-2016-qualifying

Well it kind of goes without saying that this was an unexpected one eh?  When the tiny, non-professional team of the equally small archipelago nation of the Faroe islands beat the 2004 Euro cup champions Greece 1-0 in an earlier qualifying stage match for the 2016 Euro cup in November of 2014, not many people least of all myself really expected lightning to strike twice for the plucky nation of the Faroe Islands but it did and the most surprising sports result since David Haye being a boring as-fuck boxer with a bad pussyfooter streak became a regular occurrence. 

In some moments during both matches, I did think that the plucky Faroeans got a bit lucky and there's also the convenient point that everyone forgets that the Greek team that won the 2004 Euro competition was boring as fuck as in early-1990s Arsenal or Chelsea during their 'park-the-bus' stage boring.  They basically chose the easiest possible tactic with no risk and just went for that.  True, Greece in recent years has produced a truly formidable national team that now plays with a far greater degree of flair but I really don't think that we should undermine the magnitude of the Faroe-Islands victory.

Either way, I have to give massive congrats to the Faroeans for their epic victory and wish them luck in summer 2016 and give my considerable condolence to Greece for being humiliated.  Wonder how far the Faroeans will go in this one...?

Number 8 - Chelsea 2 - Stoke City 1 (2014-15 Barclays Premier League, 4 Apr 2015)

Image source: http://www.goal.com/en-sg/news/3877/england/2015/04/05/10471022/adam-rooney-beckham-the-premier-leagues-long-range-wonder/charlie-adam-chelsea-2-1-stoke

Ok so as a Charlton fan I really can't say that I like Chelsea all that much.  They're kind of the big bully of the playground that is top-tier English football and while I have a few friends who support Chelsea myself I have to say this (with all due respect) in order to contextualise the placement of this match on this list.  Realistically, the only reason aside from the decent football from both Stoke and Chelsea to put this game on this list is the absolutely insane goal that Scotland CM Charlie Adams scored for Stoke...yards within his own half...hot fucking damn.  Honestly, I don't support either Chelsea or Stoke but when I watched this match in the house of one of my best friends who himself is a Stoke City supporter me and him both went absolutely mental jumping off the sofa we were sitting on when Courtois was humiliated from half a county away.

Now think for a second.  Why would I put this up on this list when Adam does these kind of mad longshots in training when Tim Howard or Begovic do them as mad lucky punts and score sick goals from the position of GK?  Well the reason for me at least is that Adam showed that despite only being rated 76 overall on the current FIFA game, he has enough skill and insane concentration to pull of a goal from several yards within his own half surrounded by tough-looking Chelsea midfielders against one of the best goalkeepers in the world and arguably the best Belgian keeper of all time.  If you can do that then you have got some mad talent.  So Charlie Adam, hats of to yourself my man.

Number 7 - Wigan Athletic 1 - Manchester City 0 (2013 FA cup final, 11 May 2013)

Image source: http://www.theaustralian.com.au/sport/football/underdogs-wigan-in-fairytale-fa-cup-win-over-manchester-city/story-fn63e0vj-1226640298398

Some people call the now-iconic victory of then-premier league Wigan Athletic over multi-billion-pounds-worth Manchester City, aka the Apple Inc of English football as the greatest giant killing in the history of the FA cup and while I disagree to a certain extent I can see why people say this.  Really though, when you consider that Wigan were relegated the same season that they beat city in this cup final and had a mere fraction of the transfer budget that City had you can more than see why people are hard 'n' ready to erect statues of this now-legendary match. 

For most of the match looking back, it seems like both teams were more toe-to-toe with one another than I originally remember but it does seem like the more that Wigan crack down City's defence tiny bit by bit that the skill on show from Wigan becomes more and more apparent.  I wouldn't say its like City completely collapsed in this match but the coup de grace of Ben Watson's 90th-minute header goal is easily one of my favourite goals of all time.  Not only did it win Wigan's first bit of major silverware in 81 years or absolutely humiliate one of the 5 biggest clubs in England (the other four being Liverpool, Arsenal, Manchester United and Chelsea) but the sheer 'this is the end' cataclysm-esque moment of Watson's insane injury-time header is the stuff of dreams for any football fan really. 

And while I do sympathise with the City fans who had to go and see their team get crushed by another one they should've beaten with the amount of money it had pumped in, I can't deny I feel more than a little bit of mutual pride for the bright-eyed Wigan fans who went home that day singing to high heaven.  Pity that Charlton beat Wigan 3-0 near the end of the next season lolololololololololololololololololololol.

6 - Barcelona 5 - Rayo Vallecano 2 (2015-16 La Liga BBVA, 17 Oct 2015)

Image source: http://www.lagranepoca.com/deportes/22459-cronica-del-fc-barcelona-rayo-vallecano-5-2.html

I don't get the option much to watch foreign league football all that much as I usually watch live football with my mates on their Sky accounts or catch something in a pub while having a few pints and perhaps a bit of scotch or vodka with the lads.  However, when I went to Catalonia in late 2015 to see my infant Catalonian cousin for the first time as he had turned 2, I was treated to another great experience (although meeting my youthful cousin was a far more wonderful experience than watching a Barca game, please don't hit me Barca fans) when one night, after walking out with the family, we returned to the restaurant in our hotel and on the projector they were playing the La Liga game between Rayo Vallencano and La Liga titans Barcelona.  It was the first time I saw a La Liga game in its entirety and I'm fucking glad I did.

I didn't support either team but with Vallencano sporting a pretty snazzy kit and Barca of course fielding one of my favourite players of all time (i.e. Lionel Messi), I was hooked the moment a goal was scored.  It didn't matter which team scored which goal or when, the football and the athleticism and elegance contained within it was something to behold as I saw Neymar personally execute Rayo Vallencano by putting 4 of Barca's 5 goals in this match past the very unfortunate opposing keeper.  And while this helped cement Barca's place at the top of the league table, Rayo also were able to put on a cracking performance themselves hinting at a comeback a couple of times by putting two sleek goals past Barca goalkeeper Bravo.  This was the first time I'd seen a foreign league match in full but I certainly hope it isn't my last.

Number 5 - Charlton Athletic 4 - Arsenal 2 (2001-02 Barclays Premier League, 4 Nov 2001)

Image source: http://www.premierleague.com/en-gb/news/features/on-this-day-4-nov-2001-arsenal-2-charlton-4.html

Ok so I'm definitely not trying to piss of all my Arsenal mates but I probably will unintentionally by putting this match that probably pisses off allot of Arsenal fans off while warming the hearts of their Charlton counterparts.  And I really think that this is one of the most warm and fondly remembered moments for Charlton fans as it was one of the last times that Charlton drew or won against the mighty North-London club that once based itself just down the road from SE 7. 

Much like the previous entry, despite whoever won, the football from both sides was fantastic with Arsenal putting on a great show of attacking football with Charlton looking for any opportunity to smash an opening in the Gunners midfield and counterattack.  After Arsenal taking the lead 1-0 early on, Charlton steadily overran the Gunners backline and proceeded to put 4 goals past the North Londoners including my favourite goal of Charlton's second run in the premier league when Claus Jensen chipped a ball all the way from the corner flag on the left of the Arsenal goal up over two Gunner defenders and their goalkeeper into the back of the Arsenal net.  And what makes this all the more sweeter for me?  The fact that this was an away match for Charlton at Arsenal's old ground of Highbury & Islington.  As my OG Charlton supporter of a dad would say 'that's fucking blinding mate'.

Number 4 - Liverpool 5 - Norwich City 4 (2015-16 Barclays Premier League, 23 Jan 2016)

Image source: http://sportbild.bild.de/fussball/premier-league/fussball/liverpool-wahnsinn-klopp-team-siegt-in-norwich-44271646.sport.html

And here we have the most recent match on the list.  Again, brilliant football on display here but what makes me place this very recent BPL match so high on this list between two teams I don't support is just how close it was.  Watching extended clips and highlights of the match made me realise that not only on the basis of the scoreline and chances created were Norwich and Liverpool very close here but they were both very close in terms of the skill on display.  In his first few months as Liverpool gaffer, the enigmatic Jurgen Klopp failed to get really dramatic victories in excluding of course his smashing 6-1 victory over Southampton in the Capital One Cup. 

However, this easily cements him as the right man, as of this post, for the position of Liverpool boss because by the devil do Liverpool need some central stability right now.  They also need Sturridge to not be constantly injured, a new world-beater striker to succeed Suarez and a new and experienced CDM to succeed Gerrard but this closely-fought match between the Anfield-based club and yon canaries.

Number 3 - Bradford City 4 - Chelsea 2 (2015 FA cup 4th round, 24 Jan 2015)

Image source: http://depor.pe/futbol-internacional/chelsea-vs-bradford-copa-fa-fecha-hora-y-posibles-alineaciones-1033811

Now THIS was the true FA cup giant-killing I was mentioning earlier.  I don't care if Bradford didn't win this cup campaign.  I know this may cheese off some of my Chelsea supporter mates but the fact that not only Bradford came back from 2-0 down to win against one of the biggest clubs in the world, or that Chelsea have an immeasurably larger number of international players, or that Chelsea fielded titan-like players like Eden Hazard, Diego Costa or Courtois but the fact that at the time, Bradford were 2 leagues below Chelsea.

I used to think that Wigan beating Man City was the greatest FA cup giant-killing of all time but once my dad made me aware of the magnitude of this giant-slaying by Bradford I realised how wrong I was.  Not to diss Wigan fans of course but when there's such a gap between Chelsea and little old Bradford and yet the underdog wins, I have to give the golden title of top-grade giant-killer in FA cup folklore to Bradford.  I've seen Charlton and other teams that I like such as Brighton, Arsenal or Leicester beat Chelsea in the league before but for it to be done on a stage such as the FA cup and by such an underdog as Bradford?  Truly the stuff of dreams that any football fan would want to see in person.

Number 2 - Charlton Atheltic 4 - Sunderland 4 [7-6 on penalties to Charlton] (1998 First Division play-off final, 25 May 1998)

Image source: http://talksport.com/magazine/top-ten/2011-05-27/charlton-v-sunderland-man-city-v-gillingham-and-bolton-v-reading-top-10-play-finals

I have no doubt in my mind that this is easily the greatest Charlton Athletic game of all time.  Forget beating Arsenal at Highbury & Islington in 2001 or beating Chelsea in their first match against Chelsea after being promoted in the 1999-2000 season.  This is the real shit, this game cements not only Clive Mendonca and Richard Rufus as two of my favourite Charlton players of all time or Alan Curbishley as my favourite manager that Charlton has ever had but the fact that for the first time since the formation of the league system in English football in favour over the old divisions system, Charlton was propelled into the top flight by what many have come to regard as the best play-off game in England of the 1990s. 

And don't give me that 'oh Ted you're only saying that because you're A Charlton fan blech blech blech!'.  Even if I wasn't A Charlton fan, I would still say that this is one of the best domestic matches of the 1990s and supremely entertaining as a play-off final including 8 goals leading to full-extra-time then a 13-goal penalty shootout including a hatrick by one of the best talents to come out of Wales in years. 

This was another match where both sides came dangerously close to beating one another thanks to some great midfield work by Sunderland and some quality forwards put on by Charlton as well as good football all-round on both sides.  However, I would be lying if any other moment from the highlights of this great game made my heart, as a Charlton fan, soar more than when the Charlton keeper blocks the final penalty from Sunderland player Michael Gray and made the Charlton end of Wembley stadium explode in joyous celebration.  Truly a moment that any Charlton fan there or watching the telly on the day will remember forever.

Number 1 - Germany 7 - Brazil 1 (2014 World Cup semi-final, 8 Jul 2014)

Image source: http://quoteimg.com/brazil-vs-germany-7-1/

I might have some funny looks from other England fans by putting up arguably one of if not the greatest victory that Germany of all teams have ever had at the world cup but I just had to.  I know Brazil have a long-storied history of brilliance and glamorous players winning stunning matches throughout the history of the world cup but they were fucking awful during this match and lukewarm before it in the 2014 competition.  Hell, this wasn't even the only match in world cup history where a nation has won by 6 goals or where Brazil have unexpectedly lost or was even the most important match of the 2014 world cup itself but I can't deny that this was easily the most iconic match of 2014.

I know there will be some of you disputing this and I understand but hear me out.  When you have a game that makes up Brazil's worst world cup defeat ever, sees Germany 5-0 up before 30 minutes are over, makes Klose the record world cup scorer and marks Brazil's first competitive home defeat in 39 years and sees two of the most decorated teams in world cup history absolutely crushed by an inexorable juggernaut of Germanic efficiency.

This is my favourite international game, my favourite giant v giant match, my favourite world cup game and easily my favourite football game of all time...bar none...no substitutes.

It's all cool beans and barbecue sauce though, I still love the 1966 world cup final too.

Uncle Ted's recipes #3: Chinese-style noodle soup with baked salmon or chicken

This was one if my favourite recipes to do when I first started really getting into cooking as both a way of life and hobby around the time I turned 12.  I really more so got into cooking when I was 16 but for years now this has been one of my favourite recipes to make and whenever I go back home from university to my mum's place its always a dish she asks me to cook.  This'll be a good one to cook for the family as you can easily do it in bulk as well as a smaller amount and it'll last for a fair while.  Not only that but this recipe has a notably smaller amount of salt and fat than the other two recipes I've done so far have.  Either way, this is great for summer as its reasonably light but also good for winter as it warms the cockles of one's heart.  So grab some prawn crackers and green tea and lets get on into this one!

Ingredients (serves 2-4 people)

500 g boneless salmon or chicken

3 x large pak choi

5 x stems of spring onion

6 x cloves of garlic

350-500g egg or udon noodles

20-30 g fresh ginger

1.5-1.75 litres vegetarian stock

Soya sauce

Mirin rice wine

Fish sauce

salt

pepper

1 x lemon (preferably unwaxed)

honey

50-75g fresh corriander

Utensils/tools:

1 x medium vegetable cutting knife

1 x small herbs/vegetable cutting knife

1 x garlic crusher

1 x tablespoon

1 x ladle

1 x large saucepan with a lid

1 x cutting board

1 x plate

a roll of kitchen paper

a roll of tin foil

1 x baking tray

1 x medium saucepan with a lid (but only if you're using egg noodles)

Method:

Step 1 - place the stock, and two tablespoons each of rice wine, soya and fish sauce and half the juice of the lemon into the large saucepan and turn onto a mid-low heat. Then peel and dice up the ginger and peel and crush the garlic before putting both seasoning ingredients into the soup mix.  Put the oven onto preheat at 200 C fan-forced.

Step 2 - wash the meat/fish with cold water and place onto a plate with a few layers of kitchen roll on it and place another few layers on top to dry out the fish/meat.  wash and then cut up the vegetables and leave on the cutting board.

Step 3 - place the salmon or chicken out of the kitchen roll onto a bed of foil in the baking tray and season each piece of fish/meat with half a tablespoon each of fish sauce, soya sauce, rice wine, some lemon juice, a pinch of salt and pepper and a tiny drizzle of honey then wrap the foil over the meat or fish and place in the oven.  If you're doing salmon then cook for 15-17 minutes but if its chicken then do it for 25-30.

Step 4 - if you're doing egg noodles then now would be a good time to place the medium saucepan filled 2/3 the way with warm or boiled water onto boil and cook them for about 3-5 mins before draining and then rinsing briefly with cold water.  If you're working with udon noodles though then just put them straight into the soup mix.

Step 5 -  5 minutes before the fish or meat is due to come out of the oven, put in the washed and cut up spring onions, pak choi and coriander into the soup mix.  When the fish or meat has finished cooking, turn the heat off and remove the lid.

Step 6 - use the ladle to dish up the noodle soup and place at least one piece of fish or chicken on top of each bowl of soup and lay on the table with a fork, spoon and pair of chopsticks for each person eating.

Serving recommendations: Serve with prawn toast and/or vegetable spring rolls and wash down with cold water and either green tea or Asahi beer.  Also, if you're lacking salmon or chicken or are a vegetarian then crack eggs into the soup and let them poach in there to get some protein and if you're a vegan then do the same method with the salmon or chicken but with some tofu and only cook it for 5 mins.

Like I said, this is a really nice one to make in bulk and particularly for the family as despite the long prep times, the actual length of time for cooking the meal is reasonably short.  Therefore, if you're also doing dinner parties then this would be a good one to set as the main meal.  Try this out with some variations if you like and until next time, have fun ,stay safe and take care!

Uncle Ted's recipes #2: Spectacular spaghetti bolognese

This is probably one of if not the most simple and straightforward recipe I'll ever upload onto this blog but I think that most recipes of spaghetti bolognese do tend to have their own special method or way of seasoning so who knows?  This could either be like every other spagbol you've ever had or the best one of all time, either way, I'd definitely say give this one a shot.

Ingredients (serves 2-3):

1 x 400g tin chopped tomatoes

1 large brown or white onion

2 tablespoons tomato puree

100g black pitted olives (optional)

6-7g thyme

3 cloves of garlic

sunflower or vegetable oil

spaghetti

350-500 g minced beef (quorn mince if you're making it vegetarian)

15-20cl Cotes Du Rhone red wine

salt

pepper

Fresh basil leaves

Parmesan cheese (optional)

Utensils:

1 x medium chopping board

1 x vegetable cutting knife

1 x sieve

1 x large saucepan with a lid

1 x large frying pan

1 x garlic crusher

1 x tablespoon

1 x wooden spoon

1 x fork

Method:

Step 1 - put about 3 or 4 tablespoons of oil into the frying pan and turn to a mid-low heat and prepare the onions and garlic.  To cut up the onion, peel it but keep the root end intact then cut the onion in half and cut each half lengthways up to the root then slice sideways.  Keeping the root like this intact will mean that you have a better grip on the onion when cutting it and make the whole process alot faster and more efficient.  Put the onions into the oil pan with a pinch of salt and then peel the garlic before crushing it and putting it into the onions and simmer for 10 mins until the onions are softened.

Step 2 - Fill the saucepan halfway with cold water and a couple of tablespoons of oil and turn on to boil before adding the wine into the onions and garlic and leaving to simmer for another 10 mins.

Step 3 - Add the mince into the onions and beak up and stir around until browned before adding in the tinned tomatoes, puree, thyme, olives and a pinch of pepper and stir before turning down to a low heat.  If the bolognese starts to get dry then add in a small bit of cold water and stir again.

Step 4 - Get a bunch of spaghetti that fits tightly into a closely clenched hand, one for each person and break the spaghetti in half into the water and boil for 9 mins stirring with the fork so as to avoid the spaghetti clumping together.  This will be helped by the addition of the oil into the water and will give the spaghetti a nice and smooth texture when it is served up.

Step 5 - drain the spaghetti with the sieve or colander when it is cooked and then serve onto the plates before dishing the bolognese on top and garnishing with some optional parmesan and a few leaves of basil on top.  Serve with Cotes Du Rhone or mild ginger ale to drink and with a side salad of rocket and spinach.

This is one of my most prized recipes so use it wisely children!  It might not be the most elegant or complicated but its certainly a nice one and good to make for dinner parties, a reasonably quick and nutritious dinner after a hard days work or as a romantic meal for you and your partner so definitely give this one a shot whether you make it with vege mince or proper beef.  Have fun, take care and I'll see you lot next time!

New Film Review #20: Joy (Released Dec 25, 2015)

 

Image Source:  www.impawards.com

While this was only released late last year (year just gone by) I only saw it on the 3rd Jan 2016 and thought that with such talent behind it as David O' Russell, Jennifer Lawrence and one of my top three actors of all time; Robert De Niro, that this film would forshadow good portents about the year ahead for filmaking.  Though considering that Russell, Lawrence and Bradley Cooper all worked together on the (in my opinion) criminally overrated American Hustle (2013) I should have seen the signs of this film being immensley overhyped coming a mile away.

So yeah, unlike the seemingly endless voices praising this film for its direction and storytelling, positing that it'll win an oscar (although winning one for best leading actress for Lawrence would be more than deserved in this case), I don't like Joy and personally think that it bungles what could have been a truly fascinating film about the buisness trials and tribulations of one of the most fascinating and enduring buisnesswomen in American invention history.  

If you don't know the story behind the subject of this film; Lawrence plays the iconic Italian-American buisnesswoman and inventor Joy Mangano who invented the ease-wringing 'miracle-mop' and ended up creating one of the most outstanding buisness empries from the mind of a buisnesswoman in America at that point.  Aside from the miracle mop, she made and oversaw many domestic and cleaning products that became iconic to the easing of housework in the late 20th century particualrly after some difficult patenting and legal troubles with her most early products like the miracle mop.  Not only helping to provide a strong base for her then struggling and working-class family and becoming an icon for American buissnesswomen, she helped stay at home parents by creating and overseeing a huge range of domestic products that influenced many later inventions of the same purpose.  Add to this the factor of betrayal from within her own family and group of buisneess partners and Joy Mangano's story of success is a truly inspiring one particularly in the context of the American buisness scene and society.

So how do you have such great source material and actors to deal with and yet manage to create a slow, overly-sentimental, plodding, inconsistent and boring biographical piece?  Well you could point to the problems that American Hustle had with its pacing and direction but we'll look at why that stuff is particularly bad in this case.  First of all, I must point out that aside from American Hustle and Joy, David O' Russell is definetly a promising and talented filmaker and director marking himself for having modern style and gelling it to historical themes and set pieces in his films (most of the time at least).  But in Joy, this seems to take the back seat to Russell telling a by-the-dots retelling of the most  significant buisness venture and period in Ms Mangano's life.  Instead of focusing on Mangano's later life in brining the miracle mop and the struggles around this while occassionally cutting to the exploration of how her family's hardships affect her as a person we get a straightforward narration of this period of her life while indicating that the only affect of the struggles her family faced around her was that she got stressed sometimes.  this is arguably the biggest complaint I have with the film as we see that she had many interactions with all of her dysfunctional family members at critical points in their lives too but never really show how this affects her aside fr5om making her tired or stressed.  We never see how the plight of her two childeren, the ignorance and laziness of her mother and ex-husband or the selfishness of her father and half-sister ever really impact the route in life that she took.

In part this is down to Russell seemingly taking a straightforward and boring path towards storytelling and direction in this case and another factor in this problem is that by doing so, Russell relegates the actors and characters he has at hand to talking about almost every issue that they have and only once or twice (and only for breif monments) do we ever see 'show don't tell' taking centre stage.  This really tires me in films that are trying to tell a compelling and emotionally shifting story.  However, whereas this was a minor problem in Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens, it becomes a massive probelm in Joy that practically wrecks the narrative and doesn't leave enough time to explore the subplots about all the struggles that Joy's immediate family are facing and how this truly influenced her.  There is something of an exception to this with Joy's ex-husband Tony (played charmingly by Edgar Ramirez), her daughter and Bradley Cooper's slick sales exec Neil Walker who aside from Joy are the only likeable characters in the entire movie.

In turn, this is the other main criticism that I have with the film in that only a few of the characters we focus on are likeable and while Joy and Neil Walker being two of them is a huge plus (as they are both played by talented actors and are two of the main characters), Tony and Joy's daughter are given the side-character treatment which makes them somewhat unimportant (not always thankfully).  Everyone else aside from this small cadre is either fluff or about unlikeable as a Nazi, necrophillic puppy-kicker whose film library consists of direct-to-video comedy sequels.  Even De Niro playing Joy's father is never even spoken too for being selfish as fuck and barely supporting his daughter in an emotional sense.  There are many others who are easy to highlight for their completley unlikeable characters like Joy's Dad's girlfreind but if I spoke about them all, we'd be stuck here even longer.  

Oh and if there is another main critique I must point out its the ending.  Its easily one of the worst-paced endings to a film I have possibly ever seen.  To shorten; IT FUCKING SUCKS.

So the direction is shite, the script isn't that good, the chracters are mostly shite and the main acting stars are wasted so is there anything good with this film?  The acting would most likley be the main one really.  There isn't allot about this film that I can say is significant or especially good but if there is one it has to be the acting particularly from the film's main three stars of Lawrence, De Niro and Cooper who all put in absolutley cracking peformances and while De Niro's character is an aforementioned twat, he is undeniably a charasmatic and defined character and a good foil in some scenes to Lawrence's Joy.  On top of this, the sound design is great and like Ms Lawrence's peformance should at least get a nomination for an Oscar in my opinion.

In conclusion, Joy is a tradgedy of sorts in the art of filmaking in the sense that it could've been so much better.  The acting and sound is great but aside from this I really can't think of anything outstandingly good in the film.  The lighting and camera-work are generic and bland, the story is boring and poorly-told, very few of the characters are massivley well acted and the extended parts of the story are never explored to proper and full extent.  The film is both too long to just focus on the central narrative of Joy's buisness venture and too short to properly explore any of the subplots at hand.   I'd probably say that its worth seeing the highlights of the film and keeping up to date with the awards that it will undoubtedly accumulate but I really wouldn't suggest seeing the film in full until they release it out on home video/DVD.  Even then, I'd say only if you really, really want to.

In any case, Star Wars Episode VII and Daddy's Home  are both far more entertaining films and are still in cinemas as far as I'm aware so just go see either of those films.  Have fun whatever you're watching and until we next meet, take care!

Cinematography/Camera-work: 5/10

Acting: 10/10

Story/plot/writing: 4/10

Action/set-pieces/key moments: 4/10

Direction, lighting and music: 3/10

Overall rating: 26/50