Game Review #1: Duke Nukem Forever

Let me just say off the bat that Duke Nukem Forever is not a very good game.  Oh yeah, sure it has a muscle-bound kick-ass guy with an Arnold Schwarzenegger hair cut as the main protagonist, but on the whole it’s really not all that good.  One of the main reasons for it not being a very good game is due to the fact that the anticipating public has had to wait more than 12 years (12 freaking years!!!) for this game, only to find out after release, that it's less use than a poo-flavoured lolly. What I really mean though, is that it under-achieves tremendously, and not just with the game play.  The characters fighting alongside Duke are all one-note, the music isn't as blood-pumping as it was in the many, many trailers and on top of all this the ending is a massive fart.

The annoying thing however, is that I was expecting the gameplay to involve many different weapons, which you used in a variety of different environments and a multitude of situations. The reality of this of course is very different. Unlike in equivalent, but much better games, like Serious Sam, there very few weapons or power ups in the game, and the whole experience is made up of near-identical shoot/go action sequences broken up occasionally by slightly more interesting sections where you're shrunk to the size of a rat.  As well as a lack of weapon varieties there isn't much to look at in terms of environments; you spend the first third of the game in a tower and city, the second third in a desert, and the last part running around in a brownish-coloured industrial plant (whoop-de-bloody-doo).

I could go on and on listing how bad and utterly time-wasting this game is (i.e. its lack of enemy varieties, the last boss being a copy of the first one but with more health), but I won’t waste your time.  Do yourself a favour; if you see Duke Nukem Forever being offered at a price that's good or bad do not buy it whatsoever.  It is by far the biggest computer game disappointment I’ve had since buying Mass Effect, which was so tedious I nearly cried.  There is however, one good thing about this game; its excessive amounts of nudity (Huzzah!).