Ugh...this is really bad. Bad enough to make me puke up my herbal tea and soya and berry muffin. Bad enough to make me stop halfway through a game of Left 4 Dead 2 and punch the wall. Bad enough to make the fourth Indiana Jones film look great. Bad enough...well you get the picture. It's really annoying that this film is so bad because of the fact that Godzilla is really quite interesting and without a doubt, one of the big daddies of all big-name monsters (just between King Kong and just above Dracula). I mean, when you look at the film from a wide perspective you see that the acting is crap, most of the actors are crap, the storyline is rubbish and the film ends with a cliffhanger that doesn't promise a sequel in the slightest and on top of that this sea of crap blots out the talent of the one good actor in the film (Jean Reno).
The story of the film is that Godzilla (a roughly 100 foot tall cuddly lizard who can swat helicopters out of the sky with its tail) is an accidental side-creation of French nuclear tests in the Pacific who has migrated towards Manhattan after clobbering a Japanese cargo ship. Even before Godzilla has arrived, Dr Niko Tatopoulos (played really badly by Matthew Broderick) comes (slightly all too conveniently) to believe that the reason why there have been odd signals coming in to Manhattan is because of Godzilla. And he thinks all this despite the fact that the film doesn't really tell us until Godzilla actually shows up a while after he says all this. Anyhoo, just before Godzilla goes bananas when the US army shoots at the big bugger Broderick's character teams up with Jean Reno's French special forces team, naturally to blow up godzilla's egg nest before America is hit by a tidal wave of big-ass lizards just like Godzilla.
Actually, the film isn't all bad. The plot is alright, Jean Reno is always a blast to watch and the CGI is actually pretty dang good. Uh...actually that's it, no really, that's all that's good about this film. There is definitely nothing else that I can say about this film that is good. Every shot is uninteresting, especially in the poorly-put together chase scene between Godzilla and a squadron of US gunship helicopters. And especially in the bland, final battle scene between Reno's commandos and a bunch of Godzilla's vicious little kiddies. Most of the acting in the film is total pants, no, not as bad as in Dungeons & Dragons, but pretty bloody bad all the same especially from Dr Niko's faceless, nameless dork of an uncharismatic ex-girlfriend.
Look, I'm not gonna waste any more of your time complaining about this sack of poo so I'm going to say it up and straight. This is a lifeless, poorly-made, uninteresting, uncharismatic, overly-formula, full-of-bad-acting pile of rotten tripe. And THAT is me being kind to this film that is by far Roland Emmerich's worst piece of directing and film making in the whole of his otherwise glorious career. Go ahead my friends and never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever see this film...why? Because its SHIT.
No comments:
Post a Comment